Riverland man shocks medical experts with proof of lockdown ineffectiveness

If lockdowns work, why are we still in lockdown? If lockdowns don’t work, why are we still in lockdown?”

– Dr Rodd Lakes

Local self proclaimed scientist, Rodd Lakes recently spoke at a conference for Australia’s top medical experts, where he proved to the nation that lockdowns were ineffective with a very simple argument.

Dr Lakes, holding an honorary medical degree awarded to himself by himself, presented his claim at the conference, asking the question:

“If lockdowns work, why are we still in lockdown? If lockdowns don’t work, why are we still in lockdown?”

When challenged by someone with actual knowledge on the subject, who explained how much worse and out of control the situation would be without quick implementation of lockdowns, Dr Lakes responded with a fierce counterargument that left the experts speechless.

“Why are we still in lockdown if it works though? said Dr Lakes. “I tried to bake a cake the other day. I left the batter in the oven for half an hour! When I took it out, it was still uncooked. This clearly indicates the ineffectiveness of ovens! Yes, the instructions said to bake for 1 hour, but that’s irrelevant”.

As everyone in the audience was crippled with laughter, Dr Lakes used the opportunity to add to his argument:

“Fences around pools are obviously a waste of time also!” he yelled over the hysterical laughing. “A small amount of people still drown with fences around pools, so we might as well get rid of them as well!”

Dr Lakes concluded his speech by calling everyone in the audience childish sheep before baaing aggressively at them. It was at this point, we at the Riverlanderer knew we were dealing with a professional.

More to come.

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