Local anti-vaxxer and anti-masker Hugh Joeff has been declared ‘no threat’, by the Covid Risk Analysis Board, after a through study on his lifestyle revealed he’s avoided by almost everyone.
“People actually go out of their way to avoid him.”
“His potential to infect is incredibly low, despite being unvaccinated and refusing to wear a mask,” head researcher Dr Novak Sheen said.
“He’s single, and that’s obviously not changing any time soon, he’s got no friends and he lives alone, an excellent starting point to avoid spreading the virus. We’ve also noticed people in public visibly avoiding him, no one even comes close to the 1.5m limit. As soon as he opens his mouth, people just disperse – partly from his bad breath, but mainly because he can’t enter a public space without broadcasting unwarranted opinions on vaccines to whichever unsuspecting person is in the area.”
This study is just one of many analyses on the risks that anti-vaxxers pose on our society, and so far the results are all trending in the same direction.
“It’s amazing, we are very fortunate that those who choose not to vaccinate are also the same people that society actively avoids,” Dr Novak said.
“In the long term we will need these people to vaccinate, but for the meantime, we recommend continuing to keep your distance from them.”
The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.