Mask alternative – doctors suggest pacifiers ‘for the adult babies who cry about having to wear a mask’

The man wears a pacifier as he is unable to wear a mask without bursting into tears.

The Centre of Health and Infectious Local Diseases (CHILD) has made an announcement today on the topic of covid restrictions, including the rules about mask usage. Due to rising covid cases, including the notorious delta variant, it’s been necessary to have increased precautions in place.

“Masks have to be worn, but there is an alternative.”

“We recommend masks, absolutely, but we also understand that there’s a lot of adult babies out there who are unable to wear a mask without crying,” said chief medical advisor Dr Sue King.

“We advise to those individuals who for some reason are unable to wear a simple mask, that there is an alternative, and that’s a standard baby’s pacifier. While not 100% effective, a pacifier does have the advantage of keeping their mouth occupied, hopefully preventing outbursts. We understand that the average anti-masker is very prone to crying and complaining, so we do recommend that backup pacifiers are kept on hand in case they do get too worked up and spit the dummy.”

The CHILD has also recommended that those who opt for the pacifier over the mask are accompanied by a masked adult at all times.

“Anti-maskers really don’t have the mental capacity to make decisions for themselves. It is absolutely crucial that a masked adult is with them at all times,” continued Dr King.

“It’s a crazy world out there for anti-maskers, they simply lack the critical thinking skills to comprehend it all.”

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

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