Coles to scrap new “social distancing” car park scheme after realising nobody parks within the lines anway

Supermarket giant Coles has announced today that its plan to increase the size of car parks to accomodate the social distancing rules has been scrapped, after field research determined that people don’t even park within the lines.

Coles spokesperson Oliver Gray stated: “We researched 3 separate Coles car parks in Adelaide, and every single car failed to park within the lines. Cars were parked across two or three spaces, or just halfway up the curb. What we assumed was just a basic fundamental of driving apparantly gets forgotten as soon as people drive into the car park.”

Coles have stated that they haven’t given up, and a new plan is currently in the works.

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