It’s official, The Big Orange set for demolition on April 17th

A sad day for Riverlanders and Orange fanatics around the world, as the Berri Barmera Council approves demolition of The Big Orange after the land was recently purchased in a private sale.

While the new owner of the land has not yet stated what will be built in place of it, he has stated that he will allow people to view The Big Orange one last time. With the demolition set for this coming Monday, Riverlanders are invited to come and see The Big Orange on the weekend. The gates will still be locked and access to the site will be prohibited to the public, but it will be viewable from the parking area just off the highway.

Once demolition is complete, debris from The Big Orange will be reserved and made available to purchase to those who wish to keep a part of it.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

The Big Orange destroyed after Berri police officers mistake it for grounded Chinese spy balloon

One of Berri’s most iconic landmarks, The Big Orange, has been viciously destroyed in the early hours of Sunday morning, after several Berri police officers raised their weapons towards it, shooting it to pieces.

Police spokesperson Ian Flate is calling it ‘an error in judgement’, but insists the officers had good intentions.

“A judgement call had to be made, and the officers did what they believed to be in the best interest of the town’s safety,” Spokesperson Ian claimed.

“Several other western nations have detected Chinese spy balloons in their airspace scouting out strategic zones, and due to this our own police force has been on high alert. As many of you are aware, Berri is home to several valuable military assets, including some which are undisclosed and classified, so it’s not unreasonable to believe that a Chinese spy balloon could be gathering intel in our area,” he continued.

While The Big Orange has not been open to the public since 2021, it has still remained a distinctive feature of the town. SA Police are yet to comment regarding the repair plan for The Big Orange.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

Boba Fett Spotted In The Riverland After Cosi The Hutt Places Bounty on Thief’s Head

In recent events, Palmer Primary School’s polar bear mascot was sadly stolen from the schoolgrounds. The mascot’s donator, none other than Cosi The Hutt was absolutely furious, going as far as to place a bounty on the thief’s head.

The bounty has attracted many different individuals from far and wide, seeking the reward for the capture of the thief. Amongst them is none other than famous bounty hunter Boba Fett, who was recently sighted making a pitstop at Spot On Outdoors in Berri, loading up on netting, harpoons and knives.

Boba Fett emerging from Spot On Outdoors, just before shooting Riverlanderer intern Spencer King. (Image by the late Spencer King).

We caught up with Cosi The Hutt and asked him to explain exactly why he thought this petty theft warranted a bounty. He had this to say:

“Ches ko ba tuta creesta crenko ya kolska!”

He refused to elaborate any further when prompted.

Cosi The Hutt had also recently expressed his displeasure after finding himself banned due to his statement in a local newspaper:

“Some gutless piece of crap flog has stolen the polar bear…I hereby place a bounty on the head of the person that stole the kid’s polar bear”.

He was absolutely shocked and confused that he would be banned over calling someone a flog. He simply couldn’t think of anything else he had said that could possibly be the cause.

So keep an eye out for Boba Fett and other ruthless looking folk in the region during this dark time. We at the Riverlanderer wish to recommend that no one approaches these bounty hunters, as our intern received a harpoon to the head after snapping a picture of Fett.

The Riverlanderer will provide updates as the story develops.

Renmark receives first shipment of 5000 native Queensland cane toads to counter record number of insects

The flooding of 2022 has devastated the Riverland region, and alongside the flood waters are a host of other issues. More water means more breeding grounds for insects, particularly mosquitoes, and the riverside town of Renmark has experienced this worse than anywhere else.

“We’re seeing a record number of mosquitoes currently, it’s a nightmare,

“We have to implement drastic measures to deal with them,” claims Renmark mayor Moss Kiedis.

“Earlier this month we sent a request to the Queensland Department of Agriculture and Fisheries, to ask for a live import of cane toads, and because it’s a native species and somewhat endangered it did take a while for the process to happen. But after almost a month of waiting we’ve finally received our 5000 native cane toads, hungry and ready to dig in to some bugs. Our hope is that they will have a devastating effect on the new mosquito population,” the mayor continued.

The Renmark mayor has stated that this shipment is the only the first batch, and more cane toads will be arriving if they are found to be effective.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

SA Water urges Riverland residents to ‘drink more water’ in desperate attempt to stall the flooding

The Murray River is reaching levels not seen since the 1970’s, and local councils are getting concerned. Numerous meetings have been held between the town’s councils, along with SA Water, in order to find a solution to deal with the increased water coming into the Murray.

“It’s really quite simple,” claims SA Water spokesman Mark Rivera.

“We need to be using more water than what is currently flowing into the Murray. With 73,000 people in the Riverland, each resident only needs to use around 2.7 million litres of water per day to offset the expected 200 gigaliters of daily flow. With a few extra glasses of water per day and some extra-long showers, I think this is a pretty reasonable step we can take to protect our towns from the flooding,” he continued.

However some residents have taken issue with this strategy, claiming they can’t afford to be using 2.7 million litres of water per day.

“With the current water prices, that’s not something I can afford,” says Berri resident Bill Reed.

“To use 2.7 million litres would cost me well over $8000 per day, it’s just not realistic to spend that much on water, even for a good cause. SA Water is absolutely clueless if they think anyone here can afford that,” he continued.

SA Water has taken these criticisms into consideration, and are proposing a temporary 20% reduction in water usage charges.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

Riverland’s native carp population ‘flourishing’ as Murray River levels rise

With La Niña in full swing, the Riverland region has been hit hard by the increased rain, and Murray River levels are expected to reach a level not seen since the 1970’s. The rising waters have caused a lot of residents to prepare for the worst, but local wildlife experts are claiming the flooding is ‘a blessing in disguise’.

“This extra volume in our local waters is incredibly beneficial for the native water creatures.”

Local wildlife expert Anna Mall explains.

“We’re seeing several native species, including some that were on the brink of extinction, coming back in larger numbers and thriving. The most successful of these ones being the native Australian carp, whose numbers were at a dangerously low level prior to the flooding.” She continued.

This increase in the carp population brings a huge morale boost to the town of Cobdogla, after their Cobdogla Carp RFL team suffered a devastating loss earlier this year.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

Renmark ratepayers call out council’s frivolous spending, claim money wasted on ‘dying tourism industry’ rather than on ‘digging a really big hole in the ground’

The Renmark council has once again come under fire from the town’s ratepayers, after a recent town meeting ended in controversy. The council revealed its allocations of the 2022 financial year budget, much to the townspeople’s disamusement. With a majority of the budget going towards upgrades to boost the town’s tourism industry, residents were claiming they were ‘fed up’ with injecting money into what they believe is a lost cause.

“We’re sick and tired of this happening year after year,” claims a local resident who wishes to remain anonymous.

“The council is so dead set on pumping money into nothing but tourism, and we the people of the town get nothing. The ratepayers who fund the council should have more say, and receive more of a benefit from the money we put into the town,” she continued.

The townspeople of Renmark have stated that their needs aren’t being met, and the council is not interested in providing the facilities that they’re asking for.

“What we really want in Renmark is a really big hole in the ground. For years this is all we’ve been asking for and yet the council still ignores us. The money being wasted on frivolous luxuries to attract tourists, such as the new town clock, the waterfront park, and the new bridge, could instead be used to fund the equipment and the workers to dig a really big hole in the ground for the town to admire,” said passionate Renmark resident Wayne Spade.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story continues.

Reserve Bank pays respect to Queen Elizabeth by flying interest rate raise at half-percent

The passing of Queen Elizabeth II has been a shock to the world. Australia is particularly close to the royal family, and many organisations today will be flying their flags at half-mast as a sign of respect. The Reserve Bank of Australia however, has taken quite a different approach.

“It was the right thing to do,” claimed a RBA board member.

“Out of respect for the Queen, we will be raising interest rates by half a percent, rather than the planned full percent. We know times are tough, and we’d really like to keep increasing the rate by at least 1%, but it’s customary during these times of mourning to raise it by only half a percent,” he continued.

The RBA has stated that this small increase is only a temporary measure, and that next interest rate rise will be significantly higher.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

Secret underground party widely advertised to public

If you’ve never heard of secret underground club nights, it’s hardly surprising. Being secret and underground, only a select group of people normally spread the word amongst themselves about such events through whispers in dark alleys, or via coded messages attached to the legs of specially trained carrier pigeons. This, however, is not much good for the organisers of secret events, as secrecy doesn’t bring in the big bucks. A beloved local Riverland DJ & event organiser believes he has found the solution though. ‘Skrillez’ spoke exclusively to The Riverlanderer about his innovative new method of spreading the word about secret underground events.

“Extensive public advertising,” he revealed.

“It’s so simple really, yet nobody before me has thought of it. I’m quite proud of that fact.”

Skrillez, along with his usual group of local DJ friends, has a secret underground party planned for this very weekend. When asked about how it can be regarded as secret or underground when the venue, date, time and pretty much all the details are being vigorously promoted for weeks leading up to the event like literally every other DJ night, Skrillez had this to say:

“Well the thing is, nobody knows about it apart from people who use Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter or Google. Or people who listen to the radio… or people who look at posters and flyers. It’s very hush-hush… very low-key. You just have to be in the know.”

Skrillez is an innovator who smashes through the boundaries of tradition. Up until now, secret underground parties have been held in places like private warehouses or remote properties. This weekend’s event however, is being held in a popular town’s public function centre, right opposite the Riverland’s busiest fast food hub. (Note: The Riverlanderer is not revealing the name of the town in the interest of maintaining the element of secrecy).

“Nobody saw this coming,” said Skrillez.

“After years of planning, my DJs and I will be creating a ‘counter culture’ to the mainstream.”

Although the night will be using the same DJs as non-secret events, playing the same music as non-secret events, and the same group of party-goers are expected to attend who also attend all the non-secret events, Skrillez believes the name of the event alone is enough to generate an atmosphere of mystery and exclusivity. Is everyone really going to buy it though?

“People will believe what I tell them to believe,” said Skrillez with a grin.

For more information, Google ‘Renmark secret underground party’.

Tribute Band Giants Coming to the Riverland

With the emergence of COVID-19 a few years ago, the the music industry took a massive hit. But as the world has slowly gone back to normal, it has risen from the ashes with massive bands going back on tour…and this time the Riverland is on the map!

Tribute band, the ZAP BOYS are heading to the Riverland on Saturday 12th of November to play some of the greatest hits of (we assume) Frank Zappa! These include great tunes such as “Don’t Eat The Yellow Snow” and “Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?”

We managed to get in contact with Frank Zappa via special telephone to ask him for his thoughts on the band!

Jim Heath and Riverlanderer team interviewing Mr Zappa. Image by Lance Charles.

“I think these guys sound amazing and just like Led Zeppelin!”, said Frank. “If I was a Riverlander I would be snapping up a ticket asap”.

We aren’t sure why a tribute band for Mr Zappa’s music would sound like Led Zeppelin but we are sure that the band must be stoked to have the endorsement of the one and only Frank Zappa!

Get in quick while tickets are still on presale!

In other news, prescription glasses have reportedly dropped in quality in the last year leaving many with subpar vision! Luckily for me and my team, our glasses don’t seem to be affected!

The Riverlanderer will update this story as it develops.