SA Water urges Riverland residents to ‘drink more water’ in desperate attempt to stall the flooding

The Murray River is reaching levels not seen since the 1970’s, and local councils are getting concerned. Numerous meetings have been held between the town’s councils, along with SA Water, in order to find a solution to deal with the increased water coming into the Murray.

“It’s really quite simple,” claims SA Water spokesman Mark Rivera.

“We need to be using more water than what is currently flowing into the Murray. With 73,000 people in the Riverland, each resident only needs to use around 2.7 million litres of water per day to offset the expected 200 gigaliters of daily flow. With a few extra glasses of water per day and some extra-long showers, I think this is a pretty reasonable step we can take to protect our towns from the flooding,” he continued.

However some residents have taken issue with this strategy, claiming they can’t afford to be using 2.7 million litres of water per day.

“With the current water prices, that’s not something I can afford,” says Berri resident Bill Reed.

“To use 2.7 million litres would cost me well over $8000 per day, it’s just not realistic to spend that much on water, even for a good cause. SA Water is absolutely clueless if they think anyone here can afford that,” he continued.

SA Water has taken these criticisms into consideration, and are proposing a temporary 20% reduction in water usage charges.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

Riverland’s native carp population ‘flourishing’ as Murray River levels rise

With La Niña in full swing, the Riverland region has been hit hard by the increased rain, and Murray River levels are expected to reach a level not seen since the 1970’s. The rising waters have caused a lot of residents to prepare for the worst, but local wildlife experts are claiming the flooding is ‘a blessing in disguise’.

“This extra volume in our local waters is incredibly beneficial for the native water creatures.”

Local wildlife expert Anna Mall explains.

“We’re seeing several native species, including some that were on the brink of extinction, coming back in larger numbers and thriving. The most successful of these ones being the native Australian carp, whose numbers were at a dangerously low level prior to the flooding.” She continued.

This increase in the carp population brings a huge morale boost to the town of Cobdogla, after their Cobdogla Carp RFL team suffered a devastating loss earlier this year.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

Renmark ratepayers call out council’s frivolous spending, claim money wasted on ‘dying tourism industry’ rather than on ‘digging a really big hole in the ground’

The Renmark council has once again come under fire from the town’s ratepayers, after a recent town meeting ended in controversy. The council revealed its allocations of the 2022 financial year budget, much to the townspeople’s disamusement. With a majority of the budget going towards upgrades to boost the town’s tourism industry, residents were claiming they were ‘fed up’ with injecting money into what they believe is a lost cause.

“We’re sick and tired of this happening year after year,” claims a local resident who wishes to remain anonymous.

“The council is so dead set on pumping money into nothing but tourism, and we the people of the town get nothing. The ratepayers who fund the council should have more say, and receive more of a benefit from the money we put into the town,” she continued.

The townspeople of Renmark have stated that their needs aren’t being met, and the council is not interested in providing the facilities that they’re asking for.

“What we really want in Renmark is a really big hole in the ground. For years this is all we’ve been asking for and yet the council still ignores us. The money being wasted on frivolous luxuries to attract tourists, such as the new town clock, the waterfront park, and the new bridge, could instead be used to fund the equipment and the workers to dig a really big hole in the ground for the town to admire,” said passionate Renmark resident Wayne Spade.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story continues.

Reserve Bank pays respect to Queen Elizabeth by flying interest rate raise at half-percent

The passing of Queen Elizabeth II has been a shock to the world. Australia is particularly close to the royal family, and many organisations today will be flying their flags at half-mast as a sign of respect. The Reserve Bank of Australia however, has taken quite a different approach.

“It was the right thing to do,” claimed a RBA board member.

“Out of respect for the Queen, we will be raising interest rates by half a percent, rather than the planned full percent. We know times are tough, and we’d really like to keep increasing the rate by at least 1%, but it’s customary during these times of mourning to raise it by only half a percent,” he continued.

The RBA has stated that this small increase is only a temporary measure, and that next interest rate rise will be significantly higher.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

Secret underground party widely advertised to public

If you’ve never heard of secret underground club nights, it’s hardly surprising. Being secret and underground, only a select group of people normally spread the word amongst themselves about such events through whispers in dark alleys, or via coded messages attached to the legs of specially trained carrier pigeons. This, however, is not much good for the organisers of secret events, as secrecy doesn’t bring in the big bucks. A beloved local Riverland DJ & event organiser believes he has found the solution though. ‘Skrillez’ spoke exclusively to The Riverlanderer about his innovative new method of spreading the word about secret underground events.

“Extensive public advertising,” he revealed.

“It’s so simple really, yet nobody before me has thought of it. I’m quite proud of that fact.”

Skrillez, along with his usual group of local DJ friends, has a secret underground party planned for this very weekend. When asked about how it can be regarded as secret or underground when the venue, date, time and pretty much all the details are being vigorously promoted for weeks leading up to the event like literally every other DJ night, Skrillez had this to say:

“Well the thing is, nobody knows about it apart from people who use Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter or Google. Or people who listen to the radio… or people who look at posters and flyers. It’s very hush-hush… very low-key. You just have to be in the know.”

Skrillez is an innovator who smashes through the boundaries of tradition. Up until now, secret underground parties have been held in places like private warehouses or remote properties. This weekend’s event however, is being held in a popular town’s public function centre, right opposite the Riverland’s busiest fast food hub. (Note: The Riverlanderer is not revealing the name of the town in the interest of maintaining the element of secrecy).

“Nobody saw this coming,” said Skrillez.

“After years of planning, my DJs and I will be creating a ‘counter culture’ to the mainstream.”

Although the night will be using the same DJs as non-secret events, playing the same music as non-secret events, and the same group of party-goers are expected to attend who also attend all the non-secret events, Skrillez believes the name of the event alone is enough to generate an atmosphere of mystery and exclusivity. Is everyone really going to buy it though?

“People will believe what I tell them to believe,” said Skrillez with a grin.

For more information, Google ‘Renmark secret underground party’.

Tribute Band Giants Coming to the Riverland

With the emergence of COVID-19 a few years ago, the the music industry took a massive hit. But as the world has slowly gone back to normal, it has risen from the ashes with massive bands going back on tour…and this time the Riverland is on the map!

Tribute band, the ZAP BOYS are heading to the Riverland on Saturday 12th of November to play some of the greatest hits of (we assume) Frank Zappa! These include great tunes such as “Don’t Eat The Yellow Snow” and “Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?”

We managed to get in contact with Frank Zappa via special telephone to ask him for his thoughts on the band!

Jim Heath and Riverlanderer team interviewing Mr Zappa. Image by Lance Charles.

“I think these guys sound amazing and just like Led Zeppelin!”, said Frank. “If I was a Riverlander I would be snapping up a ticket asap”.

We aren’t sure why a tribute band for Mr Zappa’s music would sound like Led Zeppelin but we are sure that the band must be stoked to have the endorsement of the one and only Frank Zappa!

Get in quick while tickets are still on presale!

In other news, prescription glasses have reportedly dropped in quality in the last year leaving many with subpar vision! Luckily for me and my team, our glasses don’t seem to be affected!

The Riverlanderer will update this story as it develops.

Berri Bridge celebrates 25th anniversary with new guided bridge climbing experiences

It’s been 25 years since the iconic Berri Bridge finished construction, connecting the land between Berri and Loxton. While residents have praised the functionality of the bridge, many have also celebrated its beauty, and after receiving many suggestions, the council has finally approved a business to start offering bridge climbs. ‘Berri Bridge Xtreme Climbing Adventures’ will be launching at the start of September, offering different climbing experiences for both locals and tourists.

“We believe we can offer an experience to rival the Sydney Harbour Bridge,” claims head of Berri Bridge Xtreme Climbing Adventures, Bridget West.

“The Sydney Harbour Bridge brings in over 100,000 climbers each year, we think we can match that. This really is a unique opportunity to put Berri on the map. At $115 per climb for the basic package, this will bring in a huge amount of revenue for the town, and locals are welcome too! We’re even offering a 2% discount for any Berri residents who purchase a climbing experience during the opening week,” Bridget continued.

The Berri Council claims this will be a worthwhile investment, and that the initial rates increase for Berri residents will pay off over time as more and more tourists visit the region.

“With a humble rates increase of 30% we can fund what could be the state’s largest tourist attraction,” a Berri Council spokesperson claims.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

Trendy Travellers Ditching Vans for Tinnies

Local Correspondant Pattrick Huber with one of the many Tinny Homes travelling through the region.

Due to the novel coronavirus pandemic many Australian holidaymakers have been encouraged to seek a venture within their own country. Although international borders have since been reopened, many are still choosing to avoid the large waiting queues at airports. While Australians had to endure lockdowns and closures, naturally, people have begun picking up new hobbies to do during their time at home. Hobbies such as backyard grown lettuce and handcrafting model trains have gained large popularity. Combine the desire to be a tourist in your own hometown and also picking up new hobby’s; the culture of #VanLife had sprung!

After two years behind a steering wheel, travellers are now getting bored of the open road but still enjoy waking up to some of the best views in the world, this is why many are now swapping out their old home on the road for a fresher home on the river.

Trendy lifestyle blogger Iyam Dum quotes in her bestselling book The Modern Hippy “I went to a psychedelic music festival hosted near Wigley Flat along the Murray River last year. Waking up (in a tinny boat) on water the following day was when I had my lightbulb moment.” The life on the river movement has since quickly gained traction and we are now seeing more traffic on our waterways than ever. “While we are absolutely stoked that people are enjoying the open water, we would like to remind everyone that our river locks are only operational at certain times of the day and that this can cause some interesting traffic jams.” boasted lock master Lochlan Meister.

Traffic chaos at one of the many locks along the Murray River.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

Concerns in Canberra as ‘foot-in-mouth’ disease runs rampant in parliament house

The highly contagious and devastating ‘foot in mouth disease’ is hastily making it’s way through the parliament house. Experts are warning that this could be the largest outbreak of the disease in Canberra since the 1990’s.

“It is incredibly concerning,” claims Dr Beau Vine.

“We’ve not seen an outbreak like this in the capital since the mid 90’s when PM John Howard told the public he would never ever introduce GST, and now we’re seeing it happen all over again with PM Anthony Albanese claiming last week he wouldn’t reinstate the covid-19 pandemic payments. The foot-in-mouth disease is incredibly devastating and if not dealt with soon, the entire parliament house may need to be culled,” he continued.

Politicians are one of the most vulnerable demographics when it comes to foot-in-mouth disease, and experts are advising the public to be vigilant and keep their distance to avoid catching the disease.

The Riverlanderer will update as this story develops.

Overtaking lanes soon to be abolished in SA

The state government of South Australia met last week on the 31st of June to discuss numerous traffic related problems throughout the state. One of the most eventful outcomes of the meeting was the unanimous decision to begin removing overtaking lanes from country highways.

“There’s no point in them being there as anyone going under the speed limit will quickly speed up to prevent being passed on an overtaking lane anyway” said chief traffic officer Dr. Iven Fast. “We are going to replace all overtaking lane areas with prune juice dispensers and caravan friendly parking. All road sign text size will be increased by 40% also.”

We spoke to young motorist, Audrey Williams who was heavily against the idea.

“I think it’s ridiculous! exclaimed Mrs Williams. “I’ve been driving for 96 years, and I’ve always sped up from my usual 60 km/hr to 115 km/hr whenever I hit an overtaking lane! It is my right, I pay my taxes!”

After Mrs Williams had found her teeth again and smoked some iceberg lettuce, she went on to admit the prune juice dispenser sounded quite nice.

The state government has assured everyone the overtaking lanes will not go to waste, where they will be relocated to the Adelaide 500 and Bathurst 1000 to encourage the drivers to go faster.

The Riverlanderer will provide updates on this story as it develops.